The cause was simple enough. I was in my second month of a whole new approach to education. Rather than attending an on-campus university, I chose to attend an online university because it was less expensive and more convenient. But I was unfamiliar with how to successfully accomplish this new approach. I had no idea how to balance schoolwork, regular work, and home life when my school was with me at ALL TIMES on my computer screen.
To make matters worse, I am a perfectionist. My goal was perfect grades with ease, which I found to be impossible in my own strength. In fact, my own strength deflated faster than a popped balloon. Have you ever charged your iPod all night only to have it die a couple of hours after listening to it? I have and it is quite frustrating. Apparently my iPod’s battery power is weaker than I anticipated. The same truth applies to my own human strength. After 21 years of charging up my batteries, developing confidence in my abilities to excel, and anticipating smooth sailing, I found myself empty after a mere two months. Thank God.
After a couple of weeks of the direst anxiety, I had enough. The only strength I had was the strength to cry out to my Lord to save me from myself. A dear friend of mine spoke truth to me. She told me that this kind of turmoil is not something I should just accept as if it’s a trial the Lord is willfully putting me through. She told me that I was under attack and I had to verbally and spiritually resist the devil and submit to the enabling power of my Almighty Savior. So, I did. With a growl I called upon the power of Christ to victoriously overcome the power that this sinful anxiety had over me. I verbally resisted the devil and he fled immediately. My heart was at peace – the peace of God that seriously surpassed my understanding (See Philippians 4:6-7).
I knew the fight was not over. The Lord had conquered the first battle, but the fight for my heart was not won yet because I still had to make changes in my life that allow the Holy Spirit to guard my heart against further blows. The area that God beckoned me to surrender was my time. Until then, my time was first consumed with school, then work, then social activities, and then Jesus. By the time I was free to spend time with Christ I was tired and without desire. He asked me to devote my time to Him first and see the blessings He would pour out as a result.
For the past year, this is what I have done. Anxiety has reared its ugly head and charged at me, but as I stubbornly submit my time, energy, and devotion to Christ alone, Christ’s power works through me and shows my fears to be powerless. In all honesty, the Lord has revealed to me many areas of selfishness and sin in my life over these past twelve months. There were times that I allowed distractions, thinking I could have my cake and eat it too. Thankfully, the Lord patiently and gently revealed that selfishness to me and brought me to a point of humility in which I willingly surrendered all that separated me from Him. He is still doing this in me and blessing me with every possession I relinquish.
Christ has led me to protect that which is sacred. Time is sacred. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then it ends with a promise, “and all these things shall be added unto you.” In John 15:1-11 Jesus invites His followers to not just follow after Him but to abide in Him! This truth is revitalizing! There is not a moment of our lives that we have to be apart from our Savior! If we devote ourselves to seeking Him first, we will abide in Him, He in us, and the result with be His fruit displayed through our lives! He is the only One we need to thrive. That which we cling to deceives us into believing it will reward us, but it only leaves us empty. However, Jesus Christ fills a willing person's heart causing it to overflow with joy, despite the circumstances.
This is the life He has given me over the past year. I am thrilled for each new day because I have the privilege to abide in Him and see His will and truth unfold! His power is unimaginably great and because of His amazing love, I live by His power and He exudes it through me! There is nothing unique about me. The victory that Christ has won in my life in this past year and that He will continue to win in my life for the rest of eternity is available to you! But first you will have to come to the end of your strength. You must believe in Him, rely on His strength, and submit every aspect of your life to seeking your Savior first. The result will be freedom, victory, and an adventure far greater than any you have ever dreamed possible!
The change that Christ can accomplish in one simple year is amazing!
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