I was eighteen years old when my heart broke for the first time. For some reason this particular boy penetrated my strong walls and gained access to the vulnerable, tender places of my innocent heart. It was not a mature attempt at a relationship. At eighteen years of age, it was my first real attempt. After a whirlwind makeshift romance, he decided to let me go so he could pursue another girl. When he told me about his new relationship over the phone, the only reply I could muster up was a friendly, “congratulations.” We hung up the phone after an awkward silence and a surreal good bye, and my heart seemed to burst out of my eyes in the form of humungous teardrops.
The pain was too much for me to bear on my own. I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt worthless, hopeless, lost, and guilty. In my distress, all I knew to do was call for my dad.
Through my sobs I opened my door and managed to retain enough oxygen to call for him. In seconds he was walking toward me down the hallway. With eyes and tone full of compassion, he asked, “what’s wrong?” while opening his arms. I threw myself into them and let every emotion flow out as I cried. He held me close and I again had worth. It was comfort in the midst of confusion; safety in the midst of pain. His embrace - so without judgment, so full of mercy, so honest and selfless – was hope.
In that moment my loving daddy exemplified my heavenly Father. Dad could have told me to wait until his show reached a commercial break, he could have nudged my mom and told her that she gets to deal with the emotional stuff, he could have launched in on a stern “I told you so” lecture, or he could have ignored me altogether. But he held me without hesitancy, question, or judgment. He showed me a father’s love and infused me with strength to move forward with hope.
In daily, adult life our heartbreaks may not be caused by silly boys. We face all kinds of obstacles. Some we bring upon ourselves while others just happen. The struggles we deal with can subtly mount until we find ourselves reeling from chaos or they can suddenly strike us, catching us totally off guard. It’s natural to feel alone in life – even for seasoned Christians whose lives are committed to ministry. Our natural, humanly minds think that we have to deal with our messes, settle in them, or clean them up on our own before we can be one with Christ. But we cannot clean up our messes! Only He can! Unfortunately, we doubt that He even wants to, but oh, He does! That is why Christ died for us! To clean up our messes because we cannot!
He died to make a way for us to call out to our heavenly Father who desires to and will immediately come to us with eyes and tone full of compassion and say, “Let it go. I am here. I love you.” while opening His almighty arms. At that moment we throw ourselves into His embrace, let every bit of ourselves flow out as we cry, and He holds us close forever. In Him, we have worth. He is our comfort in the midst of confusion; safety in the midst of pain. His embrace – so without judgment, so full of mercy, so honest and selfless – is hope.
“Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
-Psalm 73:25&26
“The Lord is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.”
-Psalm 145:18&19
Sanctified and Surrendered by Caitlin Marie Stacy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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