Marriage is Not a Free Ride

Nearly nine months ago on a perfect spring day in Lodi, California I married the coolest guy in the world! It was March 17, 2013 and Adam and I were ready. Neither of us ever experienced the dreaded “cold feet” feeling at any point in our engagement. Marrying Adam was as natural as being a Stacy had been for the past 24 years of my life. It was time to take his name and give him my hand. Since that day life has only become more incredible with each new morning waking up by his side.

With nearly nine months of marriage under our belt, we have learned a few things about each other, ourselves, and this sacred union established so long ago by God Himself.

Before I go on, it is important that I take a quick moment to express my deep and always growing respect for my husband.

Adam is one honorable man! He is tender toward me and all of the women in his family. One of my initial observations about him that, of course, stood out to me as impressive was his close relationship with his mom. Seeing how honest, respectful, and loving Adam was toward his mom gave me confidence in his tenderness toward me as his future wife. The fact that Adam likes and respects his dad and spends quality time with his little brother also impressed me. He is a family man and I love that!

Another attribute that I admire about my husband is his diligent and honest work ethic. Adam is disciplined, always wanting his work to speak for itself. He takes his role as provider and protector seriously and he is successful at both. I can’t tell you how many spiders and other ugly bugs he has killed on my behalf! Adam is intelligent with a wide array of knowledge; he is funny, interesting, cheerful, and patient; he is clean and organized, communicative and prayerful. He makes being his wife easy! Naturally, I could go on and on writing a whole essay on why my guy is wonderful, but that is not the point of this post nor would it please him to have such a piece go out for the public eye. Suffice it to say, I respect Adam more every day and am more excited all the time that he is the one I’ve wondered about and waited for my whole life! 

Now to the point:

Anything of value must be taken care of if it is to remain valuable. Relationships are prime examples of this, especially the marriage relationship. Marriage is the only relationship in which each person makes a vow to remain faithfully together for life. To make it a lifetime, conscious effort must be put into it.

Elisabeth Elliot is the widowed wife of Jim Elliot, a missionary who was killed by the Auca Indians while attempting to share the Gospel with them. At the time of his death Elisabeth and Jim were both in their 20s. Years later, a woman wrote to Elisabeth asking her for marital advice. This woman was frustrated with her husband because of his loud snoring. Elisabeth’s reply offered a different perspective. Her response was along these lines,

“Many a wife who has lost her husband too soon would delight in the sound of his snore, if only he could come back to her.”

Let’s be honest, humans in general are selfish creatures. It is easier, often, to do what is most pleasing for our self than to consider the needs and preferences of those around us. It takes discipline and practice to be selfless toward those with whom we share our time and space. As wives, we can practice selflessness by remembering that the men we've married are not ill-willed but well intentioned gentlemen who are yet imperfect. It is inevitable that they will forget to put the seat down every so often, they’ll drop their socks next to the hamper rather than in it, and they’ll leave a dish or two unrinsed in the sink.  As an ultra-organized clean freak, I can easily allow Adam’s housekeeping faux pas to grate on my nerves. I can nag him until he never misses the hamper again just to avoid another lecture from me. Or, I can remember the wise words of a woman who became a widow so young and smile at the three water glasses left on my husband’s night stand because he gets a new one every night. The multiplying water glasses, after all, are not burdens to me but simple reminders that he is alive and sharing a happy home with me!

Such a perspective makes cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, budgeting, and all the other tasks of daily living a blessing! We have been given this life to live together and the glory goes to the One who makes it all possible! This perspective allows one the awareness to replace an emotional reaction with prayerful action. As Christians our home is our first mission field. It's important to be mindful of whether or not our attitudes, actions, and reactions are pointing our spouses and families toward Christ or revealing our own hypocrisy. Living with another person is a humbling growing experience. Forgiveness of each other and our self is always necessary.

A thriving marriage is one in which both individuals are willing to learn, grow, and practice selflessness. Cultivating these attributes is only possible through Christ’s enabling grace. As we seek Him individually, He draws us nearer to Himself. The natural response to intimacy with Him is a deeper intimacy with each other. He gets the credit.

Adam and I have so much more to learn and thankfully we will never have it all figured out. As we continue this process of growing, our young marriage continues to be one amazing ride! Free, though? Nope. Marriage is not a free ride.

Sanctified and Surrendered by Caitlin Marie Stacy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.