Sanctified and Surrendered: Remember When?

“Remember when you just loved Me?”

The question broke through my bustling mind with a resounding whisper.

“I do remember.” I answered, “The memory is so faint now, but yes, I remember… It was so easy then. Obedience came naturally. It just flowed out of my growing love for You.”

In those simple days I delighted in my Savior. He became my First Love. It was a joy to wake up before the sun to sit quietly in prayer, Bible study, and worship. Every thought throughout each day was a conversation in prayer with my King. He led me to surrender and began walking me through sanctification. Life possessed challenges and pain, but His constant presence made the hardships sweet. He took me through every corner of my ‘self’ and enabled me to give all up to Him. Life goals became afterthoughts as He taught me to live out His goal for my life – lovingly abiding in Him. As I abided in Him, a marvelous change occurred in me: I began to genuinely care for those I once could not stand. Busyness continued, yet to me it all moved slowly. My First Love filled me with satisfaction, contentment, beauty, joy, and hope.

My hand was safely secured in His as He led me. I trusted sincerely, as a child. This trust was not my own; It was a gift from my King. Before I knew it, He gently began opening my once guarded heart to the man He had set aside for me. My First Love assured me that this was the man for whom He had prepared me. He gave us peace to care for each other. Every question He answered as our love grew. Christ cultivated our friendship and in His perfect time and way He took us through each difficulty. Finally, the wonderful day arrived when we became husband and wife. Every prayer was answered with extra blessing. Together we delighted in our First Love.

I look down at my left hand and see a pretty piece of white gold wrapped around my finger. The sparkly diamond secured in the gold is smiling at me as I reflect on my First & second loves. “At what point,” I wonder, “did I stop abiding in my First Love?” Somewhere along the way I ceased from resting in Him and began working to please the demands of this world. Though I never quit desiring His marvelous presence, I’ve become distracted. Every personal failure I see pulls me further from Him as I punish myself for lacking.

Time once spent fully focused on Christ is now spent striving. I simply cannot allow myself to relax. In a way, it has become an addiction to feel accomplishment. After all, there is always something that needs doing. What kind of employee would I be if I was not continually productive? What kind of wife would I be if I did not constantly keep an orderly home? In all my striving for achievement my once tender spirit has become bitter. Once eager to forgive, I now critique. Satisfaction is illusive. How do I get back to abiding in my King? By the time there is a moment to meditate on Him, I feel too much guilt to surrender and so the distance between us grows.

But my First Love doesn’t care about all my work for this world or even for Him. Neither He nor my gentle husband requires me to continuously be busy at home.

Rest. Abide. Trust. Surrender. This is all Christ has ever asked of me. He will accomplish through me for His glory when I finally give up and put my ‘self’ to death.

I have missed Him and longed to abide in Him again. Routine Bible reading is beneficial but not the key. My thoughts tend to wander when I attempt to praise and worship. Praying to be better and unloading apology after apology for my shortcomings has not fixed anything.

Then in the quiet of the morning He whispers, “Remember when you just loved Me?”

“Yes, Lord. I do remember….”

And with His timely reminder I rest in Him again.

^"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing…

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

- John 15: 4-5, 7-11