I Will Be Your Friend

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Until one accepts the challenge of putting this passage to action it is merely a sweet prose to read every so often and smile upon in theoretical agreement. This passage in practice, however, is even more beautiful than it is in words.

As social beings we value each other. We spend time together, learn little things about each other, develop a bond, and are filled with care. It’s logical. No matter the context of the relationship, this is what happens. As often occurs, one person in the bond is filled with more care than the other or shows that care more vulnerably. When this vulnerable individual begins to recognize that the degree of his or her care is not equally reciprocated, he or she naturally feels hurt. The logical reaction to hurt of any kind is to in some way defend and protect oneself. At times this means pulling away, at times this means tearing the other person down, and at other times this means trying way too hard to evoke an equal level of mutual care. None of these self-defense methods suffice. How do I know? I’ve tried them all.

Our love is truly tested when our love is unrequited. I’m not speaking in romantic terms; although, this can apply to romantic relationships, too. Real love is a choice based on commitment and not emotion. Reacting to unrequited love in self-defense is only evidence that I love myself more than my friend. Until a few years ago, I didn’t know how else to react because I was too focused on myself to learn from the One who loves me and is my example and my ability to love others.

Our human, fleshly tendency is to have our own goals for our relationships and to do whatever we can to achieve them. If the other person is not complying or reciprocating, we do what we can to force them (with subtlety in some cases) to cooperate. In other words, we think we know what is best for the relationship and thus justify our attempts to control it. Unfortunately, our mindset is that in order to be a friend to someone, that someone must also be a friend to us. Is that love? No.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 does not describe how to receive love; it describes how to give love. I can love a person who does not love me. I can be a friend to someone who has no interest in being a friend to me.

When I am hurt, discouraged, and my flesh is tempted to resort to self-defense I must remind myself of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

I will be patient, I will be kind, I will not envy, I will not boast, I will not be proud. I will not be rude, I will not self-seek, I will not be easily angered, I will keep no record of wrongs. I will not delight in evil, but I will rejoice with the truth. I will always protect, I will always trust the Lord to be in control, I will always hope, I will always persevere. My love, which is Christ’s love displayed through me by His power alone, will never fail.

In this way I can be a friend to my enemy, to an old friend who seems lackadaisical about our friendship, or to someone who simply doesn’t know how to be a friend to me. I don’t have to spend time with this person to be his/her friend. When the friendship is one-sided, I will exhibit 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 through prayer. I will offer prayers for this person's needs that only the Lord knows and can meet.

This is what it means to love and be a friend with no expectations for anything in return. Yes, we can hope in the Lord that someday this person will reciprocate our care, but we still go on loving through Christ’s power without any selfish expectations.

Only after practicing 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 can we fully appreciate the love that we receive from others. No longer will we take friendship and love for granted like we did when we were controlled by ourselves, but we will enjoy them with thanksgiving and humility because we are controlled by the Holy Spirit.

Through the enabling power of the Holy Spirit we will deny our reaction of self-defense when hurt by others and humbly reply, “I will be your friend.”


Sanctified and Surrendered by Caitlin Marie Stacy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.